Broken Moments
by Kirasel
Summary: The universe of Final Fantasy XIII doesn't like anyone interfering with it.  Any OC must face consequences for existing.  A collection of oneshots.
1. I: KIA

Based on The Life and Death of Mary Sue by Sakiku.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy XIII

**Edit: 7/8/13. Hey, you know what? READ THIS A/N. I don't know where you've seen this fic recommended, listed or whatever. But read it, and you'll be really disappointed, honest. This. Really. Sucks. I'm not exaggerating. Do you really want to read teenage girl wangst? Huh?  
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**I _am _trying to edit it, but it's going really slow, which is why this fic still sucks. Though either way, I really can't stop you if you're really curious unless I delete it. Huh. Maybe I will. Until then. **

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><p>My name is Kara Benson. I'm your average girl. Not ugly, not beautiful, not smart, not dumb. Completely and utterly average. Just like the other, I don't know, 85% of the population. I'm reasonably pretty, I suppose, though I could be better. I've got long brown hair, sort of blue (it's really more of a gray) eyes. I'm sort of tall, compared to the midgets in my class. Of course, I'm a midget too, so I can't talk. I'm fourteen (the average video game character age - you don't really see people older than twenty), and just about to go into ninth grade.<p>

At least, I hope I am.

I was playing this video game, for like, the third time. Final Fantasy XIII. Played it, liked it, and well, it grew on me. I just put the disc in, and as soon I selected 'new game', well…

"I suddenly ended up here," I muttered, looking around me.

It was city, probably beautiful once, judging on the buildings; tall skyscrapers, with intricate designs. Even now, it had a sort of sad prettiness. Just like the sort of thing you'd see in Greece or Rome. Beautiful ruins. Cracked glass windows. Broken down doors. Collapsed buildings. There was a reason for this city's disrepair. It was rather obvious. Blasts of green light shooting everywhere, everything completely wrecked. Instant chaos. There were screams, so loud that it was impossible to hear anything else. It was a warzone.

_Where was I? _

"What are you doing, standing there like that?" somebody in a white robe yelled at me. "Run, you idiot! They're shooting!"

The answer hit me. Final Fantasy XIII. Bodhum. Purge.

_That can't be right, _I thought, before I told myself to shut up and start running. I didn't have time for denial or acceptance. Didn't have time to even think about it. I ran, as fast as I could. Of course, I promptly tripped over the white robe that I was wearing which seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. "What?" I stared at my arms. How did that get there?

I barely dodged the incoming green light.

_Run, you idiot, run!_

My lungs burned and I gasped, out of breath. What do I do now? There was a crowd of people in white robes like mine. _What should I do? _There is a saying that says there is safety in numbers. But common sense and experience speaks that it makes you a giant target.

I suppose I didn't have much common sense, then, because I ran straight to the crowd.

As I came closer, I saw it wasn't much of a crowd. More of a refugee camp.

I searched desperately, something, anything to tell me that I wasn't actually in a game. Two people caught my eye. One with pink hair, and the other...

Did mine eyes deceive me? Surely it really_ wasn't_ Hope Estheim, or Oerba Dia Vanille, was it? Maybe it was just two very convincing fakes.

Then again, their faces and hair looked pretty natural; believe me, I've learned to tell when people are wearing makeup or hair dye. Surely no one would seriously get plastic surgery just for this, right?

Then… what, I was really in a game? Or at least, a dream of a game?

Instead of worrying, like I think probably should've, I was thrilled. I mean, seriously? Who else gets to go inside their favorite game, even in a dream? I would go with Lightning and Fang and Hope and Vanille and everyone else, and get all these magic powers and stuff.

"You all okay?" A man asked us. Snow.

I was sure I was okay. I mean, seriously. I just got here.

Another guy – not exactly sure what his name was – came running forward, tripped, and dropped his armful of guns.

I remembered what was in this cutscene. Guns. The option to fight or run.

I could get killed out there. Fight, or run?

The decision isn't a hard one for me. Well, I'd fight, of course! I'm no coward! And I'm sure I won't die! After, all it's just dream, right?

Plus, there's the chance to impress Hope…

He wasn't all that hot at the beginning, but he turned out pretty badass near the end of the game. He was kind of cute (as if anyone wasn't, with the video game standard of beauty), and my age, too!

Hey, what I say? I'm a fangirl at heart!

I grabbed a gun and ran forward to learn how to use it.

…

"All right, lay low and you'll be fine," Snow instructed. "We'll clear out the area."

I saw Vanille, and she was told to guard the other Bodhum… er… escapees? Runaways? Not sure what they're supposed to be called. Whatever. It's not like it matters anyway.

Then a bunch of people came, all armored up, easy to see with their little glowing stripes; PSICOM. No time to think about that now.

"We're going home together!" Snow shouted, raising his fist.

"Come on! Everybody up!"

"Right. New recruits – on me!"

New recruit - that definitely included me. I ran after the guy.

"We're not losing to PSICOM!" Snow yelled. I raised an eyebrow. Apparently we were all not losing to PSICOM.

A bunch of the PSICOM guys ran up, and we fought bravely. Well, they fought bravely. I'm not sure shooting like mad actually counts. Then again, everyone else was, and it worked for them.

PSICOM just kept coming. There were some of those military trained beasts as well. One of them run at me. I winced as its claws scraped my arms, leaving a deep gash. That would certainly give me a bit of a handicap. The good news? The beast didn't notice me firing my gun, and it fell back, a bullet through it's skull. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth. In this case, arms for head.

As I sprinted forward, I spotted one of Snow's grenades. It had dropped, unexploded. Gently, I bent down and picked it up. I could use it. Get a nice -

And that was when my thought process stopped and my grenade exploded in my hands.

_I'm still alive?_ I thought. Pain shot through my arms, and I winced. This… wasn't a dream. You couldn't feel pain in dreams. I looked at the mangled flesh of my arms, and almost threw up.

Hope and Vanille weren't with me, and in any case, they'd look at me if I was crazy if I asked them for a Cure. Well, Hope would. Vanille wouldn't because she was a L'Cie already. Right now, nobody else was a Medic or any good at regenerating arms.

Well, shit. I was gonna die. Idiot. What part of you screams, pick up a grenade? Wait... Oh yeah. I remember now. The part of me that wants a shiny new weapon. Too bad it blew me up.

Not exactly sure what to do, I charged at one of those beasts. Famous last words: If I die, I'm taking them with me.

It snarled, it snapped, and I held on best I could with two stumps and my legs. No pain I suffered with these beasts could compare to what was left of my arms. I remembered my legs were still good, and I kicked and stomped.

Everything was becoming blurry. And now, even the pain was dulled down to an ache. I smiled. Go out with a bang, huh?

One last kick. Then stomp on its head. Glad I.. wear boot. It still… alive… but no head…. is smashed...

Pain… No more. It just goes away.

Then I decide… time to sleep. Hear thud as body hits... ground. Good-bye…


	2. II: Hunger

I'm such an idiot…

My name? Not important. Nobody cares, and anyone who would care I got rid of by getting trapped in this stupid world. Nothing's important anymore. Nothing to do, no one to care. Sounds like fun, right?

My name used to be Dean. Dean Santiago. But hey, it's not like I care anymore, right? Not like you really care either, right?

I'm one of those not-so-lucky guys who'd get stuck into a _stupid video game _in a stupid idiotic way. I was the popular guy. Girls were all over me, and I hated most of them, 'cuz they just wouldn't shut up. I had tons of friends, hated school, disliked my family, wanted a motorcycle, and yadda yadda ya.

Life was good back then, 'kay?

I hate most of the people in my life, and suddenly I get thrown into this game universe.

Let me put it to ya straight. I've read fanfiction. And, yes, I know about Stus and Sues, and everything in between. So, I wondered, why me?

I've got a decent face, okay in P.E., but I ain't the guy who spends half of my life doin' martial arts or stuff like that. By now, I've figured out the answer:

Fate's a bitch and will get back at you in anyway possible.

So, yeah, I got to the gameverse. And yeah, it sucked. Why?

I landed straight on Pulse. Home of the people of Oerba. Hell on Earth.

_Six days. SIX damn days. _That's how long it took me to figure out that I wasn't the main character of a story, that fate hated me, and I was going to die if I didn't do anything!

Why? Because I didn't go to Cocoon first. Not my fault. But that meant I didn't get my fancy new l'Cie mark. Meaning I didn't get my fancy new l'Cie powers, or my Eidolon, or even a weapon.

Now, I don't know about you, but I didn't spend two or three years learning how to use a weapon. I can't fend off a six foot tall Behemoth King with a stick. I can't make a fire. I don't know how to tell the difference between poisonous berries and edible ones.

If you're an average guy, with none of the l'Cie powers, with no training, and you're stranded on _Pulse, _you're dead. There is a _reason_ why it's called Hell on Earth.

The first day I got here, I spent it kinda confused. Didn't where I was, or what to do. About halfway through, I looked up, and saw Cocoon. Big major clue to where I was. Then I practically had a party. I'd meet some canon characters, maybe make out with some of them. After all, video game characters were much more perfect that real people. Spent the rest of the time trying to get somewhere comfortable to sit and drinking water from the pond.

The second day and third day, I spent trying to look for Fang or Vanille. After all, they lived on Pulse, right? But then I came across the beasts. There are tons of them, crawling everywhere. I had no weapon. So, I took it upon myself to make one. Found a big branch, a sharp rock, and tried to make a spear. It sorta worked. I ignored every part of my body that told me I was tired, and I needed to rest.

The fourth day, I actually realized I was hungry and thirsty. Water, I had. There was a big pond out front. Food? Nah. I didn't even have a shelter. So I found a big fallen over tree, and made it my little barrier against the smaller beasts. Food? I had ignored it for the past few days. I was ravenous. The hunger was eating away at me. So I found one of those sheep thingies near the pond and killed one of them. Let me tell ya, it wasn't easy. My 'weapon' was blunt, and I had mangled the sheep beyond repair before I had even killed it. So much blood… No fire, so I couldn't cook it. But I ate the thing anyway. I was hungry, and I would eat it no matter how disgusting it was raw. Believe me, you would too.

The fifth day, it was getting unreasonably cold and misty. I needed a fire, sooner or later.

The sixth day, I was so cold and hungry that I decided to find a fire-breathing monster, get my spear-thing set on fire, and bring it back to my camp. And then I realized, if I was a main character of a story or anything, they wouldn't let me starve like this. They wouldn't let me spend six days without finding a canon character or something. They wouldn't let me die like this.

There's sort of a lesson to this. If you get stuck in this game, don't you dare worry about the characters. They can take care of themselves, being the main guys. You can't. Start worrying about food, water, and shelter, because if you don't, you're dead. You'll be wondering when your next meal is going to be instead of Lightning or Fang or whatever.

Now it's, what, the twelfth day? I've lost count, I don't care, and all I want right now is food. I don't care about Fang or Vanille or anything. Hell, I don't even care about my family, or my name or my friends. If only I could get some food…

But I can't get it. The second and third day, I could reasonably function without any food. I ate something on the fourth day raw. I think it had some type of rabies or something, because I'm not feeling so well anymore.

I'm not hungry anymore now, and everything's –

Oh, hell no.

I see something come toward me. One of those Behemoth Kings. I try to run, but my body is basically falling apart by the seams. No food, no energy, and with no energy, you can't run.

You die.


	3. III: Blind Panic

I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared….

Hi, who are you? Please help, please help me!

I'm Ellie, and I just took a nap in my kindergarten class and then I woke up here and _I don't know what to do _and I'm scared…

Why did this happen to me? Did I get kidnapped or something? Why am I here?

No grownups around, and people are shooting things and I don't want to get hit and why did this happen to me?

I'm scared, so I hide behind that big rock thing. I don't want to get hit, and that looks like a gun, and those _scare _me. I wait a bit, and look around, so no one knows that I'm here and take me away and _I want Mommy…_

There are two people, all white colored and stuff and blue. They're staring something, and I look. Then I wish I didn't. There's a big bridge. It broke, and people are sliding. It looked fun. Then I look down, and see a fire, and _they're going to die…_

Then the white people run away, and I follow them, because I don't want to be all alone.

I look closer and they join a crowd of white people. Except they're not really wearing white. The two take off the white, and one of them looks pretty, but why's her hair pink? I didn't know there were pink-haired people and stuff.

They run, and I run with them, because I saw them and I don't want to be alone.

They're talking now, standing in front of laughing people. And then one guy rides off in the circle thing.

I hide in one of the places, the circle things, where I'm safe, and it's not very weird. I'm glad I'm tiny, so I can fit without anyone seeing. And then the two come in, and they put their shoes on my head and it starts moving, and I want scream, I want scream, but I can't let them find me, or else they might beat me up.

It's like a roller coaster and there's no seat belt. It's not fair! They scream, but I can't!

It lands sideways, in weird place. I get out after they do, quietly. They don't have guns, and I think I'm safer with them then with anything else here…

"Guess it's just us…" the pink-haired one says. I want to laugh, because I'm here, and it's not just them.

I learn the boy's name is Hope and the girl's name is Vanille. That's kinda funny, because I've never seen someone named Hope, or Vanilla or anything. What's wrong with this place?

They decide to look around, and it does look interesting. I think. I see them looking happy for some reason. Vanille gets something else, I can't hear them and I don't what it is.

I gulp. In front of them are all these things that are attacking them and look scary. I don't what they are, and I want to know, but from what I can see, they're doing good.

So I follow them, always behind them, because they can beat everything up. Behind them, so they don't see me, but they can still protect me; they look much bigger than me, and can beat me up but I don't want them to. So I be careful, be very quiet so they can't hear me or see me.

Except then, Hope looks behind him.

"Hey!" he yells. "What are you doing here?"

"Huh?" Vanille looks back. "Oh." She sounds…sad.

"Umm…hi?" I say, nervously. They found me, and I don't know if they're going to beat me up…

"Who are you? How'd you even get here?" Hope asks.

"I'm Ellie. Circle thing," I say. "You put your feet on my head."

Hope's face looks funny now. "What, you were in there?"

"Yes? Please don't beat me up or feed me to the zombies," I beg.

"Zombie?" Vanille asks.

I nod. "Zombie. There!" I point behind her at the very scary zombie things.

They both look around. Hope starts breathing in really hard. Oh, they're coming from all sides…

"What are they?" Hope asks.

"Zombie!" I nod.

Vanille shakes her head. "Cie'th!" Vanille says. "L'Cie who failed! This is what happens – when l'Cie don't complete the Focus the fal'Cie gave them!"

I raise my hand. "What are l'Cie?"

Now they both stare at me. "You don't know?"

I shake my head. "Sorry."

Then some guy – the same guy on the circle thing – busts in and hits one zombie. "Let's even these odds!"

I stare. He didn't turn to zombie!

Then they start fighting.

"Hmmm…" I walk up behind the zombie. The others are too busy to notice. Then I fall down and crash into zombie legs. Zombie fall down too.

"What are you doing?" Hope shouts at me.

The circle guy looks at me. "You bought a kid here?" he shouts at Hope.

Vanille shakes her head. "No, she followed us!"

"Why?"

"I don't know!" Hope shouts. Then fight is all over.

The circle guy tells us to find somewhere quiet and hide and say we leave later. That's good with me, but Hope and Vanille say no. Why? I don't get it. No, why is Hope yelling now. Then circle guy comes back. I follow him, since he say we leave later and I want to go. We go down on an elevator thing. Then I see more pink-haired people. I don't get it. What is up with the pink people? One of the pink people look she fall asleep. Then she starts glowing and flying. She's shiny, and this diamond things are starting to grow all around her. Pretty… So pretty…

Why does everyone else look so sad? Oh no… the other pink person and the circle guy start fighting.

And then they go somewhere and I follow, because circle guy says we leave.

We get to somewhere called a fal'Cie. Then circle guy starts yelling and pink person gets violent, and then there's this giant robot machine thing, and I'm scared.

I start running, just like Hope. And then there's this big force-field that comes and we can't get through. I'm so scared right now. It looks like that robot is about to kill them…

So I hide. I can't punch that, I can't throw anything, I'm useless here!

_Then… I see pretty crystals… So pretty…_

_Then the robot came back but bigger. And it grabbed me with weird things and it hurts_

_I'm falling I'm falling_

_Scary_

_Where's my Mommy? Where's Daddy?_

_What's that?_

_Crystal Everything's getting destroyed_

_And now it's all crystal what's happening._

_Dark…_

"Serah!"

Then I wake up. Pretty crystals, all around us… I wish I could take a picture.

What, what, my mind can't keep up, and magic, that doesn't exist but circle guy just used it so… I don't get it!

No time for that now, and if they use magic I can use magic so I try to cast and… what?

"So we really are L'Cie," Circle guy says, looking at a mark. Pink person turns away. "You too?" He looks at Vanille.

"Yep," she says. "Right here." She lifts up a part of her skirt thing and it has the same mark. Do have that too?

I think I do, but I don't know where…

"What about you?" He looks at me.

"I don't know," I say.

Vanille nods. "Yes. Back of her neck."

He shook his head. "Even the kid. She's what, five?"

Oh… that explained why I couldn't see it…

"I don't get it," I say out loud. "What's a L'Cie? And why is everyone so sad?"

Hope snorted. "With an attitude like that, she's never going to turn Cie'th."

"What?"

"Look," Vanille started. "There are beings called fal'Cie. When you come near one, you become a l'Cie and are given a task. If you complete it you turn to crystal and gain eternal life."

"Oh. That sounds nice."

"If you don't complete it," she continued, "you become a Cie'th."

I don't know what she's talking about…

Seeing my look of …er… confusion, she tried to explain. "How do I put this? You, um, turn into zombie?"

Zombie? "I don't want to be zombie!" I yelled. That can't be I don't think so what's wrong I don't want to

Didn't notice I was glowing…

Vanille bit her lip. "This can't be good…"

What what what I don't want to be zombie what no no no no no feel weird now

Didn't notice I was flying too…

"What's happening to her?" one guy yelled.

"She can't have… she can't have completed her Focus already, could she?" Hope asked.

"That's impossible!" the pink person shouted.

Oh no I'm growing crystals on my skin what's happening why do I

"She's not turning crystal!" Vanille shouted. "She's turning Cie'th!"

Zombie? Zombie now what's happening why I don't want all I did was take a nap and now… _whats wrong_ _why can't I talk right why NO it's growing on my face_ argh _make it stop make it stop!_

_What…this…in my way? kill it… kill it…_

"She was _five! _Why did that happen to her?"

_…kill it… kill it… too loud…_

"Give her mercy! Kill her! Hurry!

_…no….it…attack… need to kill back…_

"Don't just stand there, do something!"

_…die…what's wrong…die…_

"Why did that happen to her?"

_…no nono it attack… too fast… can't see…_

"Hurry! Use that gun of yours!"

_can't move…_


	4. IV: A Misunderstanding

I'm Emily Denali, or as some people call me, Ebony. Not entirely sure why. I have long black hair (you could call it 'ebony-black') with sections of dyed purple and red. I also have icy blue eyes like tears and pale white skin. You could say I'm a goth, but no way. I'm not an emo wrist-slitter. Though I do have absurdly pointed eyeteeth, almost like vampire fangs. I'm not sure _why _my friends laugh so hard when they see my teeth, but they're fanfiction writers. I've learned that all fanfiction writers have some measure of weirdness.

I'm a perfect 'A' student. I do well in all my classes. I'm pretty athletic from gymnastics which my parents _forced _me to take. I could be a cheerleader, really, except I'm really too lazy (very busy during the day, you know) to drag my ass to practice. Besides, cheerleaders are _way _too preppy.

I had like, just taken a nap in English, because I had stayed up late the night before and the teacher was boring. Plus, I already learned all of the material. It's not that hard, really. First I had pretty normal dream. And then I was in this dream of Final Fantasy XIII. I thought this was pretty weird. I mean, I've never even played the game just watched my brother play it; it was pretty good entertainment. But what did I care? I had a minor knowledge in this game, enough to get through it and know the main characters _very _well. And all the guys in the game were hot (even Sazh, but he was… old. _WAY _too old. He even had a kid).

The problem was, I had landed in the universe with Dajh. Meaning, I was kind of turned into a Cocoon L'Cie.

Unlike Dajh, I knew what I was doing and decided to run like Hell before Sazh or the Sanctum guys found me. After all, I really didn't want to be experimented on. I knew my Focus.

Ragnorok. That was it. Strange, me being a Cocoon L'Cie and having that Focus. I was pretty tempted to go and turn myself in to see the people's reactions to my Focus. Instead, I slipped quietly out, so no one would even know.

But my clothes were strange, my face was strange, my hair was strange – it wasn't really all that hard to find out that I wasn't from here. What I was wearing was too simple, too _ordinary _for the likes of a video game. Then again, Vanille and Fang had really weird things going for them too. It wasn't like they got pointed out. No, I read Episode Zero, and people just thought it was a weird fad. Besides, the Farron sisters had _pink _hair. I doubted that anyone would really mind dyed black hair.

And so, feeling confident, I stepped outside…

…Only to be faced with stares.

Apparently I was strange enough to be stared at, after all.

Apparently it was a known fact all Farrons had pink hair, and in anywhere other than Bodhum, it would have gotten a lot, a lot of stares.

Apparently dyed hair, black t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers weren't in fashion, right now. I quickly excused myself, saying that I was visiting from Palumpolum to see the fireworks.

"Ah!"

"Oh, yes, that makes sense!"

"Damn tourists…"

"Enjoy the fireworks! I bet you don't see them that often in Palumpolum, huh?"

Well, I saw the fireworks. And yes, they were beautiful.

And, since he was the easiest to find and he was a main character, I stuck with Hope all the way through the Purge. Not that he knew that, of course.

I tracked them down, from a distance. Didn't want them to see me until the right moment.

It wasn't hard really, though I suppose it could have been much harder. It was good I was wearing my P.E. shoes then. Walking all day just didn't work well with flats. Apparently, I could feel hungry in this dream, too. All I did was follow, because Lightning seemed to be able to find food in the farthest of places, which I took when she wasn't looking. I was careful to wipe my tracks, take away bruised leaves or broken twigs.

Lightning set a very vigorous pace, when she was with Hope and when they had all finally met up in Palumpolum.

I was no good at hiding myself when we came to a city. Almost as soon as we stepped in, she stopped and turned around.

Crap.

"Who are you?" she hissed, narrowing her eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Um…" I said intelligibly. Then, seeing she was still waiting, I said, "My name's Emily Denali." I gave a wave.

Her eyes follow the movement of my hand. "What," she asks, still in a threatening tone, "is that?" She grabs my hand and points to the little black mark of a L'Cie.

Oops. "Um…" I had forgotten to cover that thing.

Lightning took her gunblade and pointed it directly at my nose. "Cocoon L'Cie," she said quietly.

Behind her, Hope had drawn out his boomerang.

"No, no!" I started sputtering. "I'm not, really! I saw it in one of my textbooks, and I thought it looked really cool, so-"

Lightning raised an eyebrow as I continued babbling.

"I thought your hair looked kind of weird and I really want to-"

Hope gave Lightning a look.

"So I was wondering if I could-"

"You know," Lightning said in a slightly amused tone, "you act a lot like you're lying."

Shit.

"You know as well as I do that mark is not fake. I can see it changing."

Lightning seemed to be excluding an aura of terror. And so I stood there, terrified.

"Don't lie." The menace in her words nearly made me wet myself. I didn't know what intimidation techniques they taught her in the military, but they were _working_ on me.

I gave a just as terrified nod.

"It's real."

Nod.

"You want to kill us?"

Shake.

"No?"

Nod.

"Talk already! We can't communicate like this."

Nod.

Sigh. "What is your Focus?"

The words tumbled out before I could stop them. "Ragnorok," I squeaked. "My Focus is to transform into Ragnorok and destroy Cocoon."

Her eyebrows drew together. "You're lying."

"No, no, I'm not!" I insisted, still terrified.

"Don't be ridiculous. No Cocoon L'Cie would really have to destroy Cocoon."

"Really! It is!"

Lightning ignored me. "Hope, I'm going to need some help with this. It'll be hard to take on a L'Cie one on one."

Hope slowly got up.

"No, no, that was my Focus! I'm not lying!"

Lightning didn't believe me. If she thought I was lying, she would think I was lying for a reason. That reason, even though she didn't know what it was, was enough to make her turn on me.

Damn it.

I tried to fight back, I really did. I knew some spells; after all, I had faced my share of beasts. But they were constantly bombarding me. Lightning would attack me, I would try to get up, then Hope would hit me with something. Sometimes, I was lucky, and I fired off a spell. It wasn't enough to damage them. But it was enough for me to hold out, enough for me to shoot a Cure every now and then. Sometimes I was really lucky and managed to hit Lightning. After all, if Lightning was hit, Hope would spend some time healing her, and wouldn't cast at me all the time.

I was dead the moment Lightning decided to summon Odin.


	5. V: Crystallization

It wasn't so hard after all, was it?

In every circumstance, it always seems that it's so difficult, so impossible. Look at all the Cie'th stones lying around. Look at how many of them there are. And those are only the Pulse l'Cie. I'm sure Cocoon has their share of skeletons too.

My Focus was very, very simple. Kill all the members of the main cast, except for Pulse natives. It'd be _easy _easy easy. The purpose? They weren't cooperating anymore. They weren't considering killing Cocoon, except for one of the Pulse girls, and even she was wavering. So, I'd kill all of them, killing off the hope they had, and then leave a Pulse girl to torture, and the other for Ragnorok.

I was on the battlefield, fighting for my country. I was shot in the chest, and darkness swept over me. When I woke up, I was a Cocoon l'Cie. Or that's what it said I was, anyway. I saw my Focus, and recognized it for what it was. It repulsed me.

Oh, I fought my Focus at first. I had honor then, didn't want to murder them in cold blood. But the l'Cie mark which was supposed to give me power punished me. It began draining me instead of strengthening me until I could barely move. I didn't notice it at the beginning. I was already strong at the beginning, and the power of a l'Cie gave me even more. First, it took away the advantage, bit by bit. Then my own natural strength. Before long, all the energy I got from eating or exercising went to that cursed mark. My mind broke and shut down. Finally, I gave in.

It was simple, simple, simple. They weren't even considering anyone hunting them down like this. The young boy was the first to go. He was the weakest physically, and only strong in magic. He was a complete civilian. He couldn't walk as fast as the others and was trailing behind the rest of the group. I beheaded him from behind, covering his mouth so that his screams wouldn't be heard. They never even missed him.

Then it was the man. He had guns, long range, and I couldn't take the chance that he might get me from far away. While they were fighting, they were separated. I helped him destroy all of the monsters around him. He was about to thank me when I tore his throat to shreds with my knife. I framed one of the monsters. They believed it so easily, I could laugh.

Then the other one, with blonde hair. He didn't have any common sense, claiming he was the Hero, and all. He was scouting up ahead. His intensified l'Cie hearing couldn't hear me, the quiet one, always quiet, always on tip-toe. He couldn't see me, thanks to Deceptisol. Therefore, he couldn't kill me. He didn't even see the gun I held in front of his face, and the sound it made when I pulled the trigger. I set his remains on fire. The others came running when they heard the sound, but it was much too late to Cure him then.

Then the woman, the pink haired one. I knew that she was a challenge. Her, I couldn't approach quietly like the other ones because of her military training. I couldn't wait till she was asleep, because she would instantly wake up. But she was arrogant. She thought no harm would come to her, and boldly walked away from the last two to open a treasure sphere. I summoned my Eidolon before she could react and slaughtered her. But, in my confidence, I wasn't quite as careful as I could have been. The woman yells, as loud as she can, before she dies.

The Pulse natives come, running.

Now the other pink haired girl is screaming at me. "What have you done?" she yells, tears streaming down her eyes. "Why did you do it?"

I smile, and move slightly so she can see the l'Cie mark at the side of my arm. "Because I want everybody to die." I answer quite simply. What do I care about the lives of others? They're only characters. I am reality, while they are fantasy. I should live.

"But... what…" She is lost for words. "You're a Cocoon l'Cie. You shouldn't want Cocoon to be destroyed." She seems to forget that, by destroying a Pulse l'Cie, I am doing exactly what everybody wants me to do.

"Who says I'm from Cocoon?" I gesture to the corpse of the woman I've just killed. "It's not like she's from Pulse."

For a moment, I see hope shining in her eyes. "You're from Pulse?" she asks softly.

I laugh. "Not from there either."

The other one, who has been waiting the entire time with an increasingly irritated look on her face, growls. "I've had enough of your mind games!" She charges at me.

Then I feel crystals jut from my skin, and start to glow. "Who says I'm playing games?" I say.

She tries to attack me, but we all know it's no use. I will crystallize. I will gain eternal life. And no one will stop me.

"You bastard!" she hisses.

I would answer her, but I am entirely encased in crystal.


	6. VI: Pictures

_Who am I?_

It is always alone in this cage, but there are always pretty pictures. It never knows where it is, but there are always pretty pictures. It's all white, but even then, there are pretty pictures. There's no way out. It has tried. There's a pretty room, filled with pretty pictures, but we all know what it is. A cage. A prison. It's that simple.

_I don't want to be alone._

Every day, or every night, it can't tell which, they give it something. They force it asleep, every day, every night. Trapped in the pretty pictures, the pretty pictures that its mind makes. It can't see, but it can still somehow understand this.

_I have nothing else._

Sometimes, it is lucky, and really do have pretty pictures. Flowers, birds, trees, an actual family… It all seems so oddly comforting. Then there are the ugly pictures. A woman, screaming as the house burns down, trying to run, but failing… A man, trying to help her, but getting burned himself… A little girl, unable to do anything as her parents burn to ashes…

_Why do they cry?_

And then they mix, so there is no difference between the two, the smell of flowers mixing with the scent of blood. Laughter mingling with screams and tears. Flowers that burn and wither.

So ugly, and so pretty, all at the same time.

But it's alright. It understands. It's needed. What would it do, if it were awake…?

_I would destroy everything._

One day or night, they called it a special occasion. They left it awake, but shut up in its little cage. It understands why they force it asleep.

_I laugh at my pain._

Even awake, it can't escape the pretty pictures. It can see a few pictures of actual reality, but they are few. And these pictures aren't so pretty. It screams, wishing they would force it asleep again. Scream at the ceiling, but there is no sound. It can't talk. It is completely mute. It understands its condition, but there is no point.

Its body is not under its own control.

It is under _their _control; the voice that controls its mouth, the voice that controls its arms, the voice that controls its mind.

_What do I know?_

Who is it? It doesn't know itself.

It doesn't remember a time when the pictures didn't exist. It doesn't remember anything. It doesn't even know what its face looks like. Its name…

_It doesn't exist. Nothing does._

Just a memory, nothing more. It has no memory. It makes it rather useless then, doesn't it?

There is no difference whether it is awake or asleep. Either way, there are always pretty pictures.

It wishes it could scream.

_It's alright, it happens already._

But there is nothing it can ever do. Just a doll, with a pretty face, completely useless.

It can hear them, sometimes, you see. Talking about the strange little child, who babbles nonsense and can barely move. It can hear the disgust in their voices, at the child which they have to watch, the child who is far too old for any of this, but is too far lost to take care of it by itself. It is not stupid. Sometimes, it wishes it actually was. Maybe then, it wouldn't understand any of this…

_It will happen, soon enough._

Could it ever be anyone? Maybe. _Don't be silly. _But…

And suddenly, the pictures just… stop. The voices go away, and I can move. And then I open my eyes, for the first time, for the only time I can ever remember.

_Is it true?_

"Welcome." I look up.

He laughs in a thundering voice. "I have freed you from your prison."

I touch my eyes, finding them wet. Am I… crying? I would…

_Crying already?_

I try to speak, for the first time ever. "Where am I?" The voice sounds rusty to me, but beautiful nonetheless. Better than no voice at all, I say.

"You are on Cocoon. You will serve me."

And I nod, for what could I ever do to repay him?

_You could kill him._

It turns out now I am what he calls a l'Cie. It isn't human, but it's better than what I normally am. Now, I am a tool, serving the person that saved me from insanity. Barthandelus. I obey his every command. For how else could I thank the person, the fal'Cie that helped me escape from my prison?

Before, I had nothing at all to call my own, not even a sense of identity. Nothing. He gave me back everything.

When he wanted those Pulse l'Cie to be taught a lesson, I did as he asked. Why? It was easier, perhaps. How would I, who had no will to do anything, be able to force myself into doing anything? But I wished I didn't know the l'Cie he was talking about.

"Hey, hey, are you okay?"

"I'm okay, just a little dizzy, that's all."

They helped me, when my l'Cie mark didn't.

"Come on, get up. Do you need any help?"

_They helped you, and what did you do?_

"No, it's all right, I can manage."

I collapsed that day, when the l'Cie mark that held back the pictures failed. I almost returned to what I was before.

_An 'it', not an 'I' or a 'you', but 'it'._

And they still helped me, not even knowing who I was. And how do I repay them?

_What a pitiful existence._

"No, I didn't mean it!" I gape in horror at the knife I had just thrown in one of their necks.

"No! Why did you do it?" one of them screams at me.

"I'm sorry!" That's all I can do.

"Answer me!"

_ "Cure!"_

The damage is healed, but not undone. The trust is broken, never to be the same.

"I'm sorry!" I cry out.

"Shut up!"

_But really, it won't ever be the same again. Humans are pitiful creatures. _

"_Thundaga_!"

"_Aero!_ No, no, I didn't mean it!"

_Then what did you want?_

"I… _When one is insane, who is to say that they will not become insane again?"_

I cover my mouth. The voices… They're back in control again.

Just shut up!

"No! Not again! I don't – _Such an idiot. Pathetic."_

_Crystals, spurting everywhere, filling the room with a pale light._

I don't know –

_Blood. Crimson red, it spills over- _

I – I – I-

_Watch as they all burn to ashes – _

What's happening? I can't see anymore! What -

_In the end, it was a lapse. It does not notice as the spear takes off its own head, as the pictures filled its mind. They watch in distaste as the l'Cie falls to its knees in front of them, lost in the pictures. Fitting, for a traitor. It begins to dissolve, like a beast, back into the earth._

_Or, as we know, back into the universe._

_The cage seems ever so much worse with the brief taste of freedom offered. Back into the pictures, back into insanity. And this time, its mind is broken, with no thought at all. It is simply an animal now, no semblance to humanity._

_It can not scream, it can not talk, it can not even move._

_It does not spew the nonsense they normally hear. It does not eat, it does not sleep, it does not drink._

_It does not notice when the entire asylum burns. It does not hear the cries of the children as they are incinerated. It does not move to avoid the dancing flames. It does not feel the pain of the glowing embers. For what is it all, but only a picture? _

_It does not notice when it is dead._


	7. VII: Time and Time Again

I'm Shane Whitely.

I watch, as everyone gets turned Cie'th.

I watch, as Vanille is tortured.

I watch, as they all die, by the hand of Ragnorok.

And I die, with the feeling that everything was entirely my fault.

Why?

I knew how this was supposed to end. I knew that everything was supposed to turn out alright. And I kept on believing that. Everything looked like it was going the way it was supposed to. That is, until Fang turned into Ragnorok.

Not the incomplete Ragnorok that's seen in the game. No, it was the monster that had cracked Cocoon hundreds of years ago. And it was my fault.

I had made a few changes. Barely any at all; you'd have to look really hard to notice them. All I did was become friends. I got my l'Cie mark by association. I got to know the main characters a little.

But that… that was enough to destroy the entire plotline.

Why?

I don't know. Maybe I was too cheerful. Maybe I was too depressed. Or maybe no person could fit perfectly into the main cast without disaster.

I watch as it all goes dark.

* * *

><p><em>Beep. Beep. Beep.<em>

So loud. So annoying. So not corresponding to my sleep schedule. Can't a guy get sleep around here?

"Come on, give me a few more minutes…" School didn't start for _at least _two days. Or one. Let's see, it was Saturday. I'd have to remember to disable the thing on the weekends.

The alarm clock continued its beeping. The so, very annoying beeping.

I lifted my head and glared blearily at the clock. "Fine, then. You win. I'm getting up." I propped myself up on my elbow. "I'm going to get you back for this." In retrospect, talking to inanimate objects was not the best way to start the day. My excuse? Ummm…well…. I was half-asleep. It was dark. The sun was too bright for me to see. I was still dreaming. I was tired. And, well… yeah. I'm not that bright, okay?

I went to the biggest window in my room to shut the blinds. And I was… surprised, to say the least.

Why?

Bodhum. I saw _Bodhum. _As in, it _wasn't _destroyed, it _wasn't _suffering the apocalypse, and everyone _wasn't _running around trying to commit suicide.

I was alive. I wasn't back in my house, or my world.

I was still in the game.

On one hand, I was panicking. Experiencing all the arguments, all the fights, and everything the characters went through was a lot more terrifying on the other side of the TV screen. And, unlike what I would normally see in my nice, safe universe, there was blood. Lots of it. Enough for me to become extremely traumatized. No, really. Halfway through the game, I scraped my knee. They said I just wouldn't stop _twitching…_

And on the other hand, I was relieved. I could save everyone. Sure, they might be just characters, but they were also my friends. I had a chance to make things right. This time, everything would turn out the way it was supposed to.

* * *

><p>Helping people proved harder than I thought. Hell, staying <em>alive <em>long enough to help was a challenge.

I followed the format I had in the first life – running with Hope, going to the Pulse Vestige. But this time, the Anima boss fight wasn't _quite _as easy as it was the first time. I died, again.

Everything went dark. Then I woke up again, confused. Why wasn't I in my own world yet? That's the way it works, right?

But as long as I had so many tries, I was going to make this work right.

This would be the third try.

I decided to take a weapon with me, just to make sure I wouldn't die with Anima again. I survive the encounter, but get turned Cie'th the second I try to get up from the dream.

Life just hates me, doesn't it?

The fourth try, I went a little more carefully. I condition my mind to believe that it'll all be okay, that even if I turn Cie'th, I would survive. I brought my weapon, and practice a few times, to make sure the way I fought would be the way Lightning had drilled into me the first time. I thought ahead and brought some potions; that way, I wouldn't have to wait for Vanille or Hope to heal me. Sure, I wouldn't be able to buy any souvenirs, but who cared about that? But, to my friends, this was just paranoia. They didn't care quite as much as they did in the first life, and didn't look out for me, didn't see me die from one of those beasts.

The fifth try, I ditched paranoia and tried to be as friendly as possible. That's what worked the first time, right? This time, I lasted past the time the group separated. But I wasn't skilled enough to defend myself from Lightning's Eidolon. At least my death was quick.

I tried for another seven times before my mind broke. I was confirmed to the hospital, and died when it burned when it was accidentally fried when the military aimed for the l'Cie.

The thirteenth try, I decide not to get anything right and see how long I lived. I simply trained, the entire journey, trying to be the best. But it wasn't enough for my Eidolon, which killed me.

Lives went by quickly, faster than hours, faster than minutes. During my twenty-first try, I calculated the days that had went by and figured out that, by now, it was my fifteenth birthday. I spend that try doing whatever I wanted, even if it made the characters hate me. In that try, I barely made it through the whole day.

During my thirty-fifth try, I decided that it was time for suicide, to see what would get me back to my own world. After all, I could see my friends have a happy ending on my TV screen, instead of experiencing it with them. But after dying so many times, I'd rather watch them instead of going for it. While the fireworks were on, and while I was still reasonably happy, I drowned myself. It was hard, holding my face in the water. My lungs had been burning, and I wanted to get up, take a breath. I was getting light-headed. And then, mercifully, I died.

In my thirty-sixth try, I woke up, thinking that maybe I would find a painless way of suicide. I got myself drunk, and wondered why everyone warned against it. The alcohol wasn't very tasty, but it did its job, making me feel all happy and stuff. I was still sane enough to try what I was going to do. I climbed the tallest building I would find, swigging from my vodka bottle every now and then, before everything went fuzzy.

I figured out that I had collapsed, falling down the stairs. In the thirty-seventh time, I found out about all the l'Cie tales, just to have a little more information, before I committed seppeku.

I winced as I got up in my thirty-eighth try, with a stomachache, still feeling the knife in my gut. Possibly, the way to get out of the lives was to finish my destined Focus. Maybe the crystallization process would send me back to my own world. Living a lot longer than normally, I sided with Fang when she decided to finish the Focus and destroy Cocoon. Feeling confident with someone backing her up, her Eidolon didn't appear, and we weren't forced to stop and band together to fight it. But she summoned Bahamut anyway to try and destroy Odin and Brynhildr. And when Vanille changed sides and started to fight _alongside _Fang… It got very bloody, especially when I added my own Eidolon, Saga (which no one seemed to know about), to the fight.

Of course, I died. Again. And again, and again, and again. By the fiftieth time, I had lost all hope of ever coming back, and just decided to have fun. But my sense of humor was… _wrecked _after dying so many times. I killed my 'friends' in a prank, and decided to kill myself too.

By the sixtieth time, I was bored of it all. I stayed out of the entire l'Cie business, content to remain a regular person as utter mayhem happened. I made some friends here, too. Unlike what you would normally think, there _are _actually normal names and normal people amongst the weird clothes and hair. Simon Turner. Katie Banks. Dylan Hall and Diana Hall. Felix Valencia.

And everything turned out all right without me in the mix. Cocoon was saved, and blah, blah, blah. I married Diana (Dylan wasn't quite as murderous as he could have been when I started dating his twin), made fun of Katie when she started to become a match-maker, laughed at the irony when she got a boyfriend thanks to _another _match-maker, made fun of everyone else in my small friend group when they fell to Katie's match-making skills, had two children, generally had fun with my friends, and died of old age at eighty-six.

Everything went dark.

And then I woke up again, screaming.


	8. VIII: My Name is Mary Sue

Argh. That's such a lovely word, don't you think? It means nothing it all, but it can express so many things. Like frustration. Anger. Annoyance. And downright confusion.

Right now, I'm feeling the downright confusion.

_Argh._

Of course, I've been feeling the downright confusion for a while now.

Argh.

Oh, and while you're here, can you tell me what you are? I've forgotten, give me a refresher. You're either one of the seven thousand voices that try to talk to me (because I'm psychic), a vision (because I have the Sight), a hallucination (because I think I'm starting to go crazy), something new the author came up with (because I'm probably getting boring), or possibly a flamer, telling me I'm a Mary Sue.

That's right. I'm a Mary Sue.

Let me tell you, when they say you're perfect, you really aren't. I'd like to be. I'd want to be. But. NAH.

Because perfect people don't go insane. Perfect people don't feel the effects of systematically having their brains destroyed _and ripped apart to tiny, little, bloody bits – _

I'm sorry. Would you like to have some tea? We've got jasmine, green, maple, mint…

Oops, I forgot we didn't have a pot. We have a begrimed claw, though. If you scoop out the insides, it could work… I think. Maybe. Sorry, I'm off topic. What was I talking about….

Oh yes. Brains ripped apart into tiny shreds. Great, now I've got the imagery stuck in my head. Oh well. I'll forget in the next five seconds.

Yes, I'm a Mary Sue. Yes, this actually doing psychological damage. I think. I'm not entirely sure anymore. Because I'm not going crazy all of a sudden, it's more… quiet.

You see, my author is not one of the best writers. She's not very talented. Okay, who am I kidding? She's HORRIBLE. ARGH!

One day, she realized she was horrible, wrote a story, and slapped 'parody' on it. Just to see if she'd get any good reviews.

After the first chapter, she got twenty of them. _In one day. _And so she decided to keep going.

First, it seemed fairly simple. Love interest for Hope (it would have been Snow, but he's like, _old_). Looked like the entire thing was supposed to be some sort of clichéd love story. I didn't really like Hope, to me, he was kind of lame, but you can't really control what the author decides to do.

It was average when Hope started declaring his love for me. On top of the Juggernaut. Where everyone could hear him. OOC, baby. OOC.

Then it started getting weird when I got the ability to time travel. I accidently broke the fourth wall in that case. Literally. Really. I broke some poor sap's computer. Because I got transported through the screen. Let me tell ya, he wasn't really happy to see me there.

It was even weirder how I got back. A mouse swallowed me. I didn't get how that worked, either.

But it was a complete mind screw when the purple hippo eating little talking marshmallows started talking about philosophy (from Aristotle) and trying to hit us with a pink flamingo.

Yeeaahhhh. It all went downhill from there.

Surprisingly (at least, to me), everyone around me started to go insane. I mean, any normal person would, but they were the _characters. _They were supposed to be so OOC that it wouldn't bother them. But noooo. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhh.

Lightning was the first go. Since I was near her the most, she got the worst of the mind screw. She'd often scream how things didn't make sense. Then she just… lost it. She must have finally gotten sick of all the bright colors, all the stupid songs, everything. She's pretty much withdrawn into herself, and only really comes out when she's fighting. And even then, she's still out of it. Much more bloodthirsty than what she was before.

Sazh was next. He was the oldest, so I guess that meant he was more firmly grounded into reality. Of course, that really isn't helpful when you're surrounded by things that make no absolute sense at all. Like, say, a dancing pink rhinoceros with silver horns and blue wings. No, really. We actually ran into that. It was …creepy. To say the least. He held out for an admirably long time, but he finally went insane when I took him with me. During the time traveling. OVER and over again.

After that was Fang. Rubber chickens. Green sky. Bright red clouds. Radioactive-looking. Just… _Argh._

Yeah, I'm not going to bother explaining that.

Snow kind of disappeared. I think the craziness pushed him off a cliff. We're not sure.

Vanille and Hope are still here, though. They seem to have this sort of calming presence on each other. I suppose it's because those two are the best Medics. If I went there, I would probably feel the calmness. But I don't, because if I did, they'd go crazy. I think they're already starting to crack. Plus, I don't need it.

I don't need it.

Because what's more interesting than an insane main character?

I'm sure the author wouldn't mind.

Oh dear, look at the time. It's twelve o'cheese, you should really get going. Really.

No, seriously. It's 1:3happytime. Hurry up, or else you might get stuck in the story too.

You better hurry before it hits midnight…

Argh…

This isn't working.

I need to rip something into shreds. Right now. Seriously.

Maybe there's a rubber duck here or something. Maybe a princess. Then I could rip them all into bloody little shreds.

Ooh, there's Hope and Vanille. I could try and rip them up. That'd be fun. Really fun.

But then the story would stop. Then it'd get boring.

Argh…

Of course, that wouldn't matter. Nope. Not at all.

All the author would need to do is get some other characters in their place. All she would need to do…

_…Is trick some idiot into reading this story._

Easy enough, huh? After all, you're reading this, aren't you?

_AREN'T you?_

Oh, you're looking rather peaky. Would you like something? We really do have tea. No cups, though. But we do have a lot skulls. Really, after all those monsters attacking us, they left a whole lot of those. I've heard some cultures do really have those and use them to drink.

And then after that's done, you could stay with us, right?

Please don't leave me alone here. I wouldn't make it. Stay with us.

_Forever and Forever and Forever…_


	9. IX: Depression

**Thought I'd try something different_. _I don't think this really applies as an OC, but I had an idea, and I might as well use it to update.**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>I should have been better.<em>

I looked around in my virtual world. I sighed, and I sat on a conveniently placed rock, staring the opposite direction out of the window of the computer screen. It was depressing, around here.

Pretty, yes. It couldn't possibly _not _be, with the designers going crazy over the scenery. Tall trees, delicately branching out, each pale green leaf visible. Brooks and streams, with water as clear as crystal. The ground, an icy and hard white. It was all covered by a soft blue light, patched with gold. Definitely pretty. But depressing, all the same.

I'll get out of here eventually. When the bell rings.

While I wait, I should explain why I'm here. I'm not exactly sure how, though.

Let me put it this way. My name is Averia Farron.

Ah, confused already? Never heard of an _Averia_ Farron, now have you? Maybe a Claire, maybe a Serah, but you're sure there is no such person as Averia.

But there is. Or there was. Through designs and redesigns, names have changed. From Averia, to Éclair, to Claire, and then Lightning. Ah, the moment of realization. Yes. That's correct. I'm who you think I am (unless you're thinking about some princess bride or something). I am Lightning.

Or, more correctly, I'm simply Averia. Still confused? I know I would be.

I should explain it better. I _used _to be Lightning. Not anymore. Someone else took my place. Oh, and I know what you're thinking. No, I'm not some Sue that replaces the main character. I'm more of a clone, actually. I suppose, to be accurate, I'm more of a prototype. Prototype Number 1.

It's very easy to tell the prototype from the final, officially released product. My hair isn't pink, my eyes are paler, and I suppose, I'm really more intimidating-looking than Lightning. It's hard to be intimidating when you have pink hair. She manages, thanks to her rather threatening personality, which I don't have. But otherwise, I am an exact clone. Or, again, more accurately, _she _is an exact clone of me. Or at least, she used to be.

I can remember what they did. Created me out of words and colors, a blur of personality and white. Tons of little bright green lines, tracing, tracing, tracing. Making my face, making my body, installing my personality. When they were finally finished, and when I was finally born, I was pretty cheerful, with an actual sense of humor. As soon as I figured out what I was, where I was, and what I was doing, I was pretty happy. I would have been given a voice, a body, a place inside an _actual story_…

Yeah… It didn't exactly work that way.

Huh. _Major understatement._

My hope, the hope that kept me moving, the hope that told me I existed, was shattered only a few months after my creation. The creators decided I was _flawed, _that I definitely _wouldn't do, _and that I was _useless. _I wasn't serious enough. I wasn't pretty enough. Not good enough to be the main character. The words acted like hammer blows. I wondered why that was. Why wasn't I good enough? They spent a long time designing me just to scrap me. Sure, I wasn't perfect, but what human was? That's called realism. And why was that a bad thing…

And so, out of me, they created Lightning. At first, it was simply another Averia, out of the same words and colors. I remember her waving at me on the other side of the computer screen, grinning. I remember a part of me being jealous. I also remember telling that part of me to shut the hell up, and waving back, with the same grin. After all, it still was me going out there. It just wasn't me, me. I shouldn't be jealous of myself.

A few days later, I _wasn't _jealous of myself.

A few days later, I heard her scream.

All the changes they made were horrendous. The hair wasn't so bad. They simply changed the color, like anyone else would with a bit of dye. But the rest was painful. She was re-sculpted and redone, until she didn't look all that much like Averia anymore. Her eyes were _removed_, so they could change it into a different color. They cut her _face _up, so it would look different. I had to watch through the entire thing, because I was still stuck on the monitor, as a model. And of course, they didn't give her painkiller or anything. She was just a _character. _Why would a character need _painkiller?_

To them, I say, 'What kind of person cuts you up because they want you to look different?'

When I met her again, she wasn't Averia. She wasn't me. She was Claire. She was Lightning.

At first, she acted as I normally would. Typing her words, smiling, laughing. At first, we were still friends, like sisters. At that point, I still looked similar enough to her to pass as a sister. But then she revealed the fact that she wasn't a prototype anymore. She had a voice actor. She had a backstory. And she would happily walk out of here with my part, and my story.

After that, everything changed.

Her new personality slowly took over her. She became cold and distant whenever I tried to talk to her. She didn't smile anymore. She didn't laugh. Then, soon, she couldn't move. She was just like a lifeless doll, her eyes glassy and glazed over, put into storage until she was needed. I tried waking her up, but she was oblivious now, to everything except her story. I couldn't do anything.

I gave up talking to her.

I was so happy when she finally moved again. When I tried to talk to her, she gave me an odd look. "Who are you?" she demanded.

At that point, I simply walked away. It was sad. That was probably my only friend. And now she was gone. I found it odd how detached I felt, but decided to ignore it.

I really should have paid attention. Or at the very least, said good-bye.

Because, now that the official Lightning is released, they have no use for me anymore. There's no point in leaving me here anymore, since I'm now cluttering the computer with useless information. Just a rough draft that you can't revise. Just someone stuck in the monitor.

So I sat, on my conveniently placed rock, and waited for my execution. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not scared. I'm detached. I'm emotionless. Because all those emotions have already been deleted. I'll be next.

I heard the toll of the bell, and stood up. Vaguely, I wonder if anyone will remember me. Probably not.

I stepped forward, my eyes raised to the sky.

Time to go.

_The silver blade swung. I couldn't dodge it if I wanted to. Everything went dark. And now I'm falling, falling, falling…_


	10. X:  Eternity

It was just a fairy tale, a legend. But, no matter how fantastic, there is always a grain of truth.

_"Please…"_

People say that long time ago, a girl was turned l'Cie.

_"Hey, what's this?" The girl looks, amazed at the elaborate structure before her. She reaches out to it. Suddenly, her arm starts to burn. Everything took on a shade of blue as she spins around, and finally, she falls to the ground, a jet black mark forming on her wrist._

Unlike all the others, however, she turned to crystal immediately.

_"This is weird," she breaths inside that dream. Then everything goes cold. Ice cold. She shivers, and wraps her arms around herself. She can see something glowing behind her closed eyelids, but she doesn't care. She is suddenly tired. She could close her eyes for a little bit, right?_

This fairy tale isn't just about her.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, a brother and sister were dropped in Cocoon. The people thought they were friendly enough, but there was just something different about them. Something they couldn't quite pinpoint. Something strange. Maybe it was their dress. Their speech. Their attitude. It didn't matter, as the people shrugged off the uncomfortable feeling, thinking that they were just being silly. The person who had took them in didn't notice any of these strange things. She thought they were perfect, and loved them like her own son and daughter. One day, she took them to visit the Pulse ruins that had been collected and preserved.

It didn't go well.

_"Sis? Sis!" the little boy cries, all alone. "Where are you?"_

_The girl hears the voice echoing through. "Hey!" she shouts. "Dax! Hang on, keep on yelling! I'll find you!" She races down the corridor, where she heard her brother's voice, only to find a tall, unyielding wall. _

_"Sis?" the voice sounded loudly, clearly behind the wall._

_The girl twitches, and lets out a scream of rage. "It's not fair!" Her fists pound against the wall, as if attempting to knock it down._

Inexperienced with any of the workings of the ruins, they were soon separated, soon lost in the Pulsian maze.

_The woman, just as well, hears the voices of her adopted son and daughter. She runs, as best as she could, but already, she knew the girl was racing to get to her brother. Never even thinking of their adopted mother. And the woman gives a sigh. She knows it is selfish, but she wishes the siblings loved each other just a little less. Maybe then, they'd have more room in their hearts for her…_

_No. She shouldn't think that way. She stops once, to take a breath, and wearily trots through._

Unknownst to the family, a Cocoon fal'Cie had taken residence in the ruins, thinking it perfect to settle in. The girl quickly came afoul of it.

_"Hey, sis! Where are you?" He finds her shortly, her eyes closed, and leaning against one of those crystal things. He doesn't know what they are, but they look a lot like they're glowing. He can see them now, casting a soft blue light across his sister's face. She looks serene. More gentle. Unlike her naturally brash personality._

_"There you are!" he exclaims, smiling, running to her side. "I was afraid I couldn't find you, and-" He falls silent as his fingers brush crystal instead of cloth. Looking closer, he sees that the crystal seems to have grown over her. "Sis?" He knows that she can take care of herself. She says so a lot. Though he isn't quite sure what that means (of course she takes care of herself, she's supposed to, like wash her face and brush her teeth), he knows that she's never in any real danger. He's seen her lean over the edge of a cliff and wave at him, grinning. Of course, with pale, frightened faces, Mommy and Daddy always got her away before she 'hurt herself, doing dangerous stunts like that." He knows very well that she'd never hurt herself on purpose. She said so._

_But right now, the crystal doesn't look very comfortable. "Sis?" Why won't she answer? She's right there. He knows that she could hear. Maybe she's asleep?_

_Yeah! That sounded right. Maybe that's how the crystal got on her. She was asleep, so she couldn't move and - and – and…_

_Why couldn't she hear him then? Oh, that's right. The crystal must have covered her ears, too._

_"Don't worry, sis," he whispers. "I'll get you out of there real soon. Promise!"_

_He couldn't very well do a pinky-promise when her hand was under crystal, but he did his best, and ran off trying to find one of those big axes he'd seen miners use._

The boy was next.

_Curiously, he reaches out, and touches the same elaborate structure his sister did, unaware of the danger. _

He never knew what happened.

_He felt something burn against his back, but he ignores it. It's not important. Not important. At all. What's important is that he gets his sister out. It's important… He doesn't notice himself drop, leaning limply on the crystal._

The woman last.

_She stares in horror at the approaching figures. "No… they told me it was safe…" Those tour guides said it was perfectly fine. Perfectly safe. Perfect place to learn about history. And it was supposed to be _so _pretty. _

_A stab of pain comes through, piercing her foot. She grits her teeth and bears it. The Cie'th, darkened and twisted as they are, come closer. She has never been strong, never been fast. She has no defenses. So she runs, hoping that her head-start would be enough, hoping the children are safe. She daren't cry out their names. If she does, they might get to her before she could get to her children. She turns the corner, and with a gasp, she sees a wall before her, tall and unyielding. There is no way out._

_Her screams resound throughout the maze._

The boy, however, lives, never knowing he had been turned into a l'Cie.

_His breaths are sharp, and he is gasping for air. Who cares? The other day, he learned this new trick. An hour ago, he learned this new trick. He thinks it's brilliant. Raising an arm, he whispers, "Thunder." A weak lightning bolt strikes the crystal. He grins in triumph. One step closer. _

The Cie'th stay away from the boy, and where they know he is.

_"Stay away!" he shouts, his voice getting higher and shriller, at the gnarled figures at the Cie'th. "AWAY!" He freezes up. Then, forcefully, he throws back his shoulders, wipes his face of all expression. "Fire." He enjoys watching them burn to ashes._

Sad in its own way.

The boy never realizes that his eyes turn yellow, that the dreaded mark on his skin grows larger and faster by the second. He doesn't notice that he gets any stronger, that he never ages, as days turn to weeks, and weeks into years. He doesn't notice anything.

_At last. The boy smiles, as he is almost through the crystal. Almost to his sister._

_Then the crystal grows again, reclaims his sister again. He drops to his knees, expressionless. He was so close…_

_He shouldn't cry, he knows that. Crying is for all the other girls in the kindergarten class. _

_A tear drops to the ground._

The years slowly pass, one by one. He doesn't realize that it's been anymore than a day, so intent is he upon his task. He is l'Cie. L'Cie are tools. Tools have no minds.

_"Please, please, please…" _

He toils on his task, day after day, year after year. Century after century.

_"…wake up, please…"_

He will work until he can restore his sister.

_"I really miss you…"_

He will work for eternity.

_The little boy, who has been slaving over the crystal for hundreds of years, looks it over critically. Nothing has changed. With a sigh, he starts his work again._

Yet, somehow, he is still a boy. Not crystal, not Cie'th. Perhaps it is his strength of mind that keeps him from danger.

Perhaps.

_"…please…"_

* * *

><p><strong>Well? Whadja think?<strong>

**Again, not sure if these characters are even OCs in the way that you normally thinking about. No canon interaction, nothing going horribly wrong, stuff like that. But it's still nice and tragic for you people who like dark and tragic-y stuff. I think.  
><strong>


	11. XI: Musings

I'm tired.

_So very tired._

It's been a long day.

_It's been years._

Slowly, I straighten my back, wincing as I hear cracks and I feel aches. It's okay, I think. I've just been sitting in a chair for a few hours straight. Just grading papers, like I always do, with my nice red pen (one of those new ones, guaranteed to write on any surface, and glow in the dark – yes, so my student's failures will be _glowing _no matter what, and they will wish that they had actually studied like I told them to). Personally, I'd like to slack off. Really, I would. But it's not good to leave too much at one time. Not good, because when I come back, the pile of papers just seems to stare at me, almost like a friend that's angry at me. Only in this case, I don't think it's a friend, because I also don't think it likes me very much. Not really, at least. Well, I don't like it very much either, so we're even.

But well, I sorta left off on my grading for…maybe a month? I'm still not done now, but I'm tired. If I go on any longer, I'm pretty sure I'll be half-dead tomorrow. And I actually want to have my mind decently working tomorrow. With a sigh, I look up from my work.

The light casting over my desk is much dimmer than when I started. I look out the window and I gulp. The sun is starting to set, and I can stare at it without getting my eyes burned out.

It would be a good thing, had it not been morning when I started.

I'm still not done.

Groaning, my head hits the surface of the table. Not again. Not again. I _knew _I shouldn't have procrastinated this time. I _knew _it. Of course I knew it, I've been at this job for years! I just chose to… ignore…it…

I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead personified. Next week will be exam week, and I'll have to grade even –

Actually, no. All the exams are multiple choice, so it should be all right. So I'll have next week to catch up. So I should be fine.

Except for right now, since I haven't eaten all day, and my stomach is just now making itself heard.

My vision is blurred as I stare down the halls. I don't want to get up to get food. Yes, I'm hungry, but I'm tired. I'm just… just…

_So very tired._

…Jus_t…_

_Tired._

…_The main personality is asleep. I know that because I can think now. If I tried, I could move this body of his. I could open these eyes, and walk. Walk for the first time in… days? Weeks? Years? I can't tell, but I know I could if I tried. If I tried._

_But I can't try. It takes a lot out of me just to open the eyes. They're very heavy, for eyelids. I don't know why. I'm just very tired. But I'm tired all the time, so that's no big deal. That's all. I never seem to get any better, but that's okay. The main personality controls this body anyway. _

_The main personality. What is his name? It's hard to remember. Everything's sort of blurry. _

…_Calder. That's his last name. Yes, that's it. That's what all the students call him. Mr. Calder. His first name, I don't know, because he rarely says it out loud. But he writes it often. I know that. I just can't read any of the words. It's been a while since I could actually read, after all. I can still make out letters, like the a, or f, or z. But they're put in such confusing patterns. I can recognize some of the simple ones, but even then, they're really confusing. They shouldn't be. I knew how to read a while ago. Why can't I now? It's frustrating. That, just a while back, I could read and write. But now the letters are so confusing. So very confusing. I – I just can't… I can't…_

…_Wait, what was I thinking?_

_Oh, what does it matter, anyway? Nobody knows what I'm thinking, and nobody would care anyway. I'm half-insane already, aren't I? Can't remember anything. Can't move. Can't see. Just here, all alone, in the dark. Maybe, one day, I'll open my eyes – _my _eyes, not the main personality's – and I'll remember everything. _

_Maybe._

_But right now, I can't remember anything but little flashes. Just those pathetic little flashes._

_(My throat clogs itself up, and something wet is on my cheeks. Why do I feel so sad? Nobody will tell me, and my heart breaks again…)_

_Little…flashes? …Wait, what thought was that from?_

_Weird._

_(It's been a very long time, such a long time. I want to ask the administrator, "Do I have the job yet?" But I know I can't say that out loud. So I'll wait.)_

_But it doesn't matter. It probably wasn't important. Just like my name. _

_My name isn't important anymore. Nobody uses my name, and there's nobody to care what my name is. I guess I'm just Mr. Calder, now. I know I used to be someone else. Someone younger than Mr. Calder, someone young enough to lie down and play games. But everything just… disappeared… so now… I'm stuck here._

_I don't want to be stuck here. _

_But I'm so very tired._

_I…_

_(I'm so sad, I'm crying now, I don't even know the reason why. A girl comes and holds my hand, and tells me that it will be all right. Why does she look so much like me?)_

_Forget._

_Can I have one moment of awareness that I won't forget later on?_

…_I suppose not. Maybe it's something I'm not allowed to have. I wonder why?_

_(Congratualations. You get the job. Welcome to the district._

"_Thank…you." I can't believe the words that I can't even say out loud.)_

_Did I do something wrong…? Am I being punished for something…that I can't remember anymore._

_No. Yes. Maybe. How would I know? I'm no longer anything anymore._

_No longer anything. _

_I wish I was an anything. I know I was an anything. I want to remember which anything I was, though. I keep trying to piece together what I remember, but it's no use. Every time I get far enough, I miss pieces that I put earlier. Still, I want to know my story, even if bits of it aren't there anymore. _

_I know that I was a boy. I was playing a game. It was a nice game. There was… someone familiar that was there with me. A girl. Was she someone I knew very well? I don't know. She was speaking in soft words that I fell asleep to. Soft words that I can't remember, but wish I did._

_("It'll be okay, it'll be okay. I'm sorry, but it'll be okay…" And to herself, she says, "I hope it will.")_

_And I woke up here. Using someone else's body like a parasite._

_It used to be so easy. It used to be easy. A while ago, I could get up and open eyes and see the world. But I'm too tired to do anything anymore. I'm just so tired._

_So…very…tired._

…_What did…Can I remember what I just…?_

_(It's been years, I'm happy teaching. But I wish I can remember all of those names…)_

_..No. I guess not. _

_(There is a girl with pink hair sitting in her desk, with a faraway look in her eyes. I-we-he, he looks at her asks her what is wrong. He knows that she doesn't normally stare out of the window like that. He knows that she is normally sitting up straight, paying attention, but now, she's just in a little world of her own._

_He notices the circles under eyes, the unkempt state of her hair, and the way that she is sprawled across her textbooks, and asks her what is wrong._

_Without missing a beat, she tells him there's no problem, no problem, that there's no problem at all. She's just tired. So very tired, would you please leave me alone?_

_So, no problem no problem no problem. Just no problem at all. _

"_See you tomorrow, Claire.")_

_(A girl comes walking up to us –him. Another girl with pink hair… )_

_Does the world look brighter? Maybe it does, and the sun's risen…_

_Already? Have I took really all that much time?_

_Maybe, of course I have._

_I'm getting weaker as the main personality wakes up. I'm starting to get even more tired, so very tired…_

_Hey, where am I? Why is it so dark? Why can't I move?_

_Hey! Hello! _

_No use. I can't see, I can't hear, I can't even touch anything._

_What happened…?_

_(It's always worse, those times when I forget everything. The moment of horror I get when I realize and remember what happened… it's worse than everything…)_

_(Nothing – forget and remember)_

-what's happening!

_(Nothing – forget and remember)_

…earthquake!

_(Nothing – forget and remember)_

_(Nothing) _–evacuate _(nothing)(nothing)(nothing) _walled in _(nothing - forget) (nothing-forget) _– collapse – how –

_Nothing. _

_(Remember.)_

…_Weird. I _can actually " – think now?"

I open my eyes for the first time.

There are so many things I don't have names for anymore, but I'm glad I can see them. I realize that I'm inside of a house. But the house has collapsed, leaving me with chunks of ceiling and roof weighing down on me. I swallow (I'm so happy, I can actually swallow) and do my best to move through.

And then so suddenly, I'm tired once again. So tired that I can barely move.

_Not fair not fair, not fair I can move now, but now it's gone again? Not fair not fair NOT FAIR!_

I do my best to drag myself out of the rubble, and lie on the ground. Maybe it's just me, but it's getting colder and harder by the minute. There's screaming, I can hear it, it's loud, but everything's blurred, so that the footsteps that are pounding near me are muffled, so that the crashes of buildings are muffled, so that that high screech of a siren is muffled.

I don't care. I can actually feel the cold now, I can actually feel the ground, I can actually hear.

I'm so happy.

Someone trips over me and lands with a crack. I'm curious, so I try to lift my head higher. It's a girl who's broken on the ground. With a familiar voice, she mutters something soft…

Something soft…

…She stops moving…

Why do I feel so sad?

I wonder as something draws me to look up.

Everything's fragmented… My vision's blurry, but I see sharp angles of light that shouldn't be there, blue green something _shiny_ –

_Pure crystal._

And then I remember something.

Something…happy…

Something that I haven't thought about for…_so long_. But is it really? Or is it something that I've made up?

I attempt to review memories that I didn't know I had, and realize it's the correct time.

I take a deep breath.

"Happy birthday to me."

_That's right. It's my birthday, isn't it. _

_What can I remember? And suddenly the memories are THERE, suddenly I can access them, and I remember years laughing over cake and ice cream, years of presents and friends and -  
><em>

_I'm just so happy.  
><em>

I feel myself smiling. It's sort of... funny, I guess. I don't know why, but... "Happy birthday to me…" I just want to sing this song. It's been so long...

I never get to finish. Suddenly, I'm more tired than I've ever been before. But I can close my eyes, and feel peace. Feel like I can have true sleep. It's been a while since I've had true sleep instead of a shutdown.

I'm vaguely aware that the world around me is going up in flames, but I don't care. I'm just so happy…

_But why am I so sad?_

* * *

><p><strong>So. It's been a while, huh?<strong>

**I don't know if this one is any good - like I said, it's been a while. I'm rusty with the process of injecting angst into a work. I don't think I put enough Final Fantasy XIII references, either.  
><strong>

**Oh well. Tell me what you think. I can always edit...**

**And one more thing. I'm sort of curious, now. Why do you read this story? It's just something that I'd like to know.  
><strong>


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